You'll Eat Nothing, And Like It

On our own initiative, Karen and I obtained a referral and made an appointment last week to see a nutritionist. I have not been ordered to begin a restrictive, "pro kidney" diet yet, but we figure I will at some point so I might as well get in the habit.

Besides, in order to have the permanent catheter needed for Peritoneal Dialysis inserted into my abdomen, I've been told by my nephrologist that I probably need to lose about 30 pounds of belly fat. (All my pants seem to agree.) Karen has lovingly decided to go on the diet with me, so I won't begrudge my lettuce while she's downing cheeseburgers.

We have tried to make better and wiser food choices to coddle my damaged kidneys, but Karen has found that the diet information she's researched on the Internet seems to be wildly contradictory from site to site. We decided to go to one professional source that we can actually look at and talk to, and abide by what the nutritionist says.

So we met with an effervescent wisp of a woman named Maryjean who asked me to come with a list of everything I'd eaten in the previous 24 hours, read it, then shook her head a lot. Obviously we'll need to eat less and exercise more if we intend to lose weight, but there's so much less to eat, too.

We received a list of foods that are naturally high in potassium, which is Kryptonite for kidneys, and generally should be avoided. That list includes:

Tomatoes
Tomato juice
Tomato paste
Spinach
Potatoes
Carrots (raw)
Baked beans
Squash
Potato Chips
Mushrooms (raw)
Artichokes
Lima beans
Broccoli
Melons (all kinds, including water!)
Peaches
Orange juice
Bananas
Raisins
Avocados
Brussel sprouts
Radishes
Peanut butter
Nuts
Scallops
Sardines
Cocoa
Hot chocolate
Dates

What's left, you ask? We asked, too. Maryjean smiled sweetly and talked about creative food alternatives, most of which sounded to me like eating wallpaper paste.

I don't think I'd mind so much having medical issues if I could at least eat what I wanted. The two best things I do in life are eat and sleep, and one of them is about to be severely compromised. I've said it before and I'll say it again: I foresee a steady diet of chicken – baked – and rice in my future.